Genesis: Trust
Trust is nothing but a five letter word
Reliability to someone who doesn't deserve
In this life I find nothing but languish
Sit down and I’ll tell you my anguish
You want to know something
That cuts me down deep
Something so strong
Where I feel I can’t speak
That probably put you
On the edge of your seat
When I was only five
My parents separated
Yeah I guess that would mean
That neither was dedicated
I know you’re like wow that’s it
But trust me it’s about to get thick
Who is the new man
She brings in my life
My dad’s best friend
Yeah that’s the surprise
How long did he sit
Wearing that disguise
You think that is all
That threw my heart in a shredder
Just stay in your seat
Because it’s about to get better
O the selfishness
All around me
I’ll tell you a rhyme
Let me know if you see
I have two little cousins
But my step sister’s they’ll be
Yeah they went out for drinks
To celebrate their release
So my mom tells me
But it’s hard to believe
That they didn’t have lust
Before breaking their decree
When you fast forward
To a few years later
My aunt makes it hard
To keep the kids together
Instead of facing the storm
He ran away forever
To his ex wife
He signs a new letter
To give the kids away
And he’ll see them never
The souls that they crush
Just don’t seem to matter
Somehow they both fall
For each others flatter
In their web of deceit
They stayed on their feet
Now I’m left here
Looking for peace
But it just doesn’t seem
To be within reach
That’s all for now
Get out of your seat
Exodus: Lost Cause
I look back and wonder why
I feel like I want to die
On the inside all I do is cry
But I’m going to forever try
Trying to find my purpose in life
But nothing will suffice
All I do is roll the dice
But I seem to pay the price
Seems like I have tried everything
To find that golden ring
But once I start to cling
That’s when I feel the sting
Is it because
Of what I seen
Or my expectations
Are causing cremations
I decided once
To put hope in thee
But you got a new family
That’s what I see
Moms love their children
No they don’t flee
So what I hear from her
I decided to believe
You were out of the picture
Someone I barely see
What happen to dad
It made it hard to breath
She says you're a drunk
So I shouldn’t bother
Here’s a new dad
Call him your father
He’ll fill the void
Then you’ll be joyed
But I’ve been toyed
And just get annoyed
Maybe it’s the drama
That I just can’t take
So when I see it coming
I start to break
You just want
To keep everything in
Until your drunk
Then I find a friend
You’ll tell me in part
What happen at the start
But all of the history
Is still a big mystery
Were me and my brothers
To much of a bother
Or was it just life
Or maybe your wife
Was their lust
That was unjust
Maybe your pride
It took a slide
Whatever it was
Became a lost cause
And now the flaws
The past draws
Leviticus: Mistake
Just a normal night having a drink with dad
Talking about life and views that I dread
Your mom raised you weak is what he said
Now when I’m in bed I chew on this bread
No blame on you is what I should’ve said
Yeah Mr. Perfect who never lowered his head
But when I get home it’s your best friend in bed
Sleeping with my mom and nothing gets said
I guess that’s courage I should chase instead
Just play nice is your language that I read
Can’t change the past another thing you said
Why try to fix something that is already dead
So you choose to drink to bury your dread
That puts you on a brink another way to sink
Can’t remember the things that you speak
Drowning sorrow that you should seek
You try to walk around in a disguise
But your eyes are what you can’t hide
Maybe from pride buried deep inside
The look on your face I can’t erase
Is it my mom you see on my face
Does it remind you of past disgrace
As I’m looking for true embrace
Like your love is something I chase
Can’t measure up to your taste
So my life seems like a waste
At birth was my soul misplaced
Wishing at times that I’d be erased
Maybe you’re right I live in defeat
Guess it’s time to stand on my feet
But this means that I have to retreat
Yeah put my family in the back seat
Ask God for courage
So that I can flourish
Because he can nourish
The parts you discourage
Numbers I: Alone
Do you ever sit
And just cry alone?
Wishing God would
Finally call you home
In the storm of the night, I can feel the fight
Turning in my soul, I can't let it go
All of this rain, Running through my vein
Holding back the tears , Thoughts of my fears
Heads getting heavy, Body’s getting sweaty
Curling my toes, Clawing unseen foes
Breathing I can’t restrain, From heart full of pain
Beating through my chest, Now comes the test
How can I maintain, Let go of the strain
Beat whats causing, This hurt in my brain
The cognitive triangle, Now understand pain
Think feel act, This is the chain
Have to learn these, So I will train
If I do this, Will I regain
Release the part, Marking me as Cain
Cause I’m going down, Like a spiraling plane
Can’t take my life
Others pay the price
Have kids think twice
Before cutting with my knife
God where is
The strainer for rain
Keep the good part
Rest down the drain
I’m double-minded, That’s what I saw
Psalm 119 says, Sin needs to fall
Dirts what I chase, When I try to ball
All of this nonsense, Will cause me to crawl
Your testimonies, I need to draw
Don’t bow to sin, put up that wall
Store up treasures, For the long haul
Your word is sweet, Help me stand tall
Numbers II: Grounded
In the storm of the night
I can feel the fight
Turning in my soul
I can't let it go
All of this pain
Running through my vein
Holding back the tears
Thoughts of my fears
Heads getting heavy
Body’s getting sweaty
Curling my toes
Clawing unseen foes
Breathing I can’t restrain
From heart full of pain
Beating through my chest
Now comes the test
How can I contain
keep my face plain
I bet it’s in the air
Or is it cause she cares
Her warm gentle touch
I hope it is enough
To ease all this strain
Pumping through my brain
If she sees my eyes
She’ll know what's inside
I try to clinch them tight
I always lose this fight
I say I’m alright
She never buys the hype
I want to jump on the floor
And run out the door
But I remind my feet
That she is too sweet
I can’t let my deceit
Overcome our love seat
I give out a heavy sigh
Because I don’t want to cry
Then I become shy
As she gets close by
Says that she loves me
As she goes to hug me
I’m the luckiest guy
When it comes to a wife
Deuteronomy: Passion
What’s your passion?
Shit, I wish I had one
I could tear deep inside
But I know I don’t have one
Looking under the hurt and defeat
It would knock me right off me feet
I would end up in the shower
Or driving around for hours
Be listening to a sad Eagles song
Or say fuck it and go grab a bong
There’s enough weight with everyday life
Why would I dig that up with my knife
All this shame and guilt inside
Is it possible to make it fly
Out of the heart in my chest
Off my shoulders lift the stress
Can I find the courage
A reason to succeed
Did I hit rock bottom
Because happiness I need
Tired of the emptiness
Endless circle where I bleed
Got to find the hope
Buried deep beneath
Like a software system
Got to find the logic
Going in the root
To unlock the problem
I guess I’ll get my hatchet
To start the detachment
Then comes the paring
At the level of sparing